Holy Moment

Yeah, I'm posting at 1:15 in the morning. I just got back from the night of prayer and worship that Josh and Ryan hosted. I'm sitting here trying to find the words to describe it, but how do you describe the experience of encountering the Living God? The music itself was beautifully simple, acoustic, and seemingly unstructured.

It's times like these that I wish my entire body could consist of only one part. I know that sounds weird, but when I hear beautiful music, I wish I was nothing more than an ear so I can experience the music with my entirety... when I'm looking at a sunset or a city scape or a small child playing, I wish I was my entire being was an eye so I could devote my entire self to the beautiful experience. I found myself wanting that tonight.

About half an hour into the music, I was watching this guy named Owen worship. I love Owen, Owen's a weird guy. I mean weird in the sense that I've never known anyone quite like Owen, and I'm sure I never will. He's genuinely caring, always smiling, and has a pure giggle that will escape every now and then during prayer and worship because he's overwhelmed by the goodness of the God he's addressing. Anyways, I was watching Owen lay on the floor worshiping with his eyes closed, just thinking of how much I see Jesus in him. No more than 10 seconds after I just start watching him, he sits straight up, and heads straight over to me. He says "Hey brother, the Spirit's telling me to pray for you."

That moment in time was the first time I truly understood, experienced, and believed in the activity of the Holy Spirit. Of course, I believe in the activity of the Spirit theologically... it's biblical. And I can point to countless times where the Spirit worked and I recognized it in hindsight, but this was the first time I genuinely understood the Holy Spirit and how He works.

I don't know what more to say. Tonight's worship experience was the holiest moment I've experienced at APU hands down, and I look forward to similar events in the future.

Encouraging Notes For A Downer Like Me

I don't know anyone who isn't mildly critical of the institutional church... I'm probably more so than most, admittedly. (Unfortunately, it's been at times to the point that it's entirely distracted me from the purpose of going to/being the church). There's a new book out from the Barna Group (a marketing research firm that actively studies the state of the church and church-goers) called Pagan Christianity.

The book outlines how the majority of practices and traditions of the institutional church are actually pagan traditions and not biblically based. The authors eventually went on to argue that because of these, the institutional church does not, historically or biblically, have the right to exist. I don't know that I would go so far (one probable explanation is that the president of the Barna Group is a Biola graduate. ;-) ). In reading a brief review of the book, I came across a very encouraging quote from Eugene Peterson (again, not sure I entirely agree with it, but it's an interesting analogy).

What other church is there besides institutional? There's nobody who doesn't have problems with the church, because there's sin in the church. But there's no other place to be a Christian except the church. There's sin in the local bank. There's sin in the grocery stores. I really don't understand this naïve criticism of the institution. I really don't get it. Frederick von Hugel said the institution of the church is like the bark on the tree. There's no life in the bark. It's dead wood. But it protects the life of the tree within. And the tree grows and grows. If you take the bark off, it's prone to disease, dehydration, death. So, yes, the church is dead but it protects something alive. And when you try to have a church without bark, it doesn't last long. It disappears, gets sick, and it's prone to all kinds of disease, heresy, and narcissism. (Eugene Peterson)

It's refreshing to hear that people are remembering that the church is protecting and ensuring the well-being of something larger than herself, and that we're not allowing the church to be a strictly self-serving entity.

I love the church for it's potential, and for what it points people toward... not for what it is today.

I don't regret it

I was on my way home from work last night, driving in the left lane next to the carpool lane. It was getting pretty dark by this point. As I'm driving, there's a black car in the carpool lane just in front of me... slowly but surely, he drifts over the double-yellow, right into my lane (not even a signal, mind you). I decide to show my disapproval for his driving by flashing my brights (I don't think honking is appropriate these days). Well, I flashed my brights, and he didn't like that, so he flashed his brights back at me...

The only problem is, his brights were red and blue. He was a cop in an unmarked vehicle.

After that, he drifted over one more lane (again, without signaling). I didn't appreciate being intimidated by the red and blue (and maybe it was just my late-night stubbornness), so I slowly passed him, making sure it wasn't fast enough to get pulled over, and as I passed him, I stared him down. He stared me down too. In hindsight, that was probably one of the dumbest things I've done in a while.

But I had to stand up for... something. Anyways, it was dumb in hindsight, and I probably wouldn't do it again, but for some reason (maybe only the lack of consequences), I don't regret it.

You Know You're In College When...

You know you're in college when you sell your blood to pay for your Valentine's Day date...

That being said, I'm in college.

Speaking of college, I graduate in 14 months... that's a scary thought. In 14 months, I face a major crossroad in life. Fortunately, there are some doors opening up for me. Keegan (my former youth pastor and future internship supervisor) outlined his vision for my internship next year which leaves the door open for a full time staff position almost immediately after I graduate. Of course there's no guarantee with something visionary like that, but it offers some hope that after I graduate, my cardboard-box house will have two bedrooms instead of one.

There's also a ministry in Chicago that's been on my heart for about 2 1/2 years now. The ministry is called Emmaus, and they are a street ministry that exists to reach out the male prostitutes of Chicago who are ostracized even by the mainstream homeless community. They offer one-year full-time internships which provide room and board while living in an intentional Christ-centered community with the other interns. I can't think of a ministry that has been laying on my heart as much as this one while being as radically removed from my comfort zone as possible.

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as You choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.