Holy Moment

Yeah, I'm posting at 1:15 in the morning. I just got back from the night of prayer and worship that Josh and Ryan hosted. I'm sitting here trying to find the words to describe it, but how do you describe the experience of encountering the Living God? The music itself was beautifully simple, acoustic, and seemingly unstructured.

It's times like these that I wish my entire body could consist of only one part. I know that sounds weird, but when I hear beautiful music, I wish I was nothing more than an ear so I can experience the music with my entirety... when I'm looking at a sunset or a city scape or a small child playing, I wish I was my entire being was an eye so I could devote my entire self to the beautiful experience. I found myself wanting that tonight.

About half an hour into the music, I was watching this guy named Owen worship. I love Owen, Owen's a weird guy. I mean weird in the sense that I've never known anyone quite like Owen, and I'm sure I never will. He's genuinely caring, always smiling, and has a pure giggle that will escape every now and then during prayer and worship because he's overwhelmed by the goodness of the God he's addressing. Anyways, I was watching Owen lay on the floor worshiping with his eyes closed, just thinking of how much I see Jesus in him. No more than 10 seconds after I just start watching him, he sits straight up, and heads straight over to me. He says "Hey brother, the Spirit's telling me to pray for you."

That moment in time was the first time I truly understood, experienced, and believed in the activity of the Holy Spirit. Of course, I believe in the activity of the Spirit theologically... it's biblical. And I can point to countless times where the Spirit worked and I recognized it in hindsight, but this was the first time I genuinely understood the Holy Spirit and how He works.

I don't know what more to say. Tonight's worship experience was the holiest moment I've experienced at APU hands down, and I look forward to similar events in the future.

Encouraging Notes For A Downer Like Me

I don't know anyone who isn't mildly critical of the institutional church... I'm probably more so than most, admittedly. (Unfortunately, it's been at times to the point that it's entirely distracted me from the purpose of going to/being the church). There's a new book out from the Barna Group (a marketing research firm that actively studies the state of the church and church-goers) called Pagan Christianity.

The book outlines how the majority of practices and traditions of the institutional church are actually pagan traditions and not biblically based. The authors eventually went on to argue that because of these, the institutional church does not, historically or biblically, have the right to exist. I don't know that I would go so far (one probable explanation is that the president of the Barna Group is a Biola graduate. ;-) ). In reading a brief review of the book, I came across a very encouraging quote from Eugene Peterson (again, not sure I entirely agree with it, but it's an interesting analogy).

What other church is there besides institutional? There's nobody who doesn't have problems with the church, because there's sin in the church. But there's no other place to be a Christian except the church. There's sin in the local bank. There's sin in the grocery stores. I really don't understand this naïve criticism of the institution. I really don't get it. Frederick von Hugel said the institution of the church is like the bark on the tree. There's no life in the bark. It's dead wood. But it protects the life of the tree within. And the tree grows and grows. If you take the bark off, it's prone to disease, dehydration, death. So, yes, the church is dead but it protects something alive. And when you try to have a church without bark, it doesn't last long. It disappears, gets sick, and it's prone to all kinds of disease, heresy, and narcissism. (Eugene Peterson)

It's refreshing to hear that people are remembering that the church is protecting and ensuring the well-being of something larger than herself, and that we're not allowing the church to be a strictly self-serving entity.

I love the church for it's potential, and for what it points people toward... not for what it is today.

I don't regret it

I was on my way home from work last night, driving in the left lane next to the carpool lane. It was getting pretty dark by this point. As I'm driving, there's a black car in the carpool lane just in front of me... slowly but surely, he drifts over the double-yellow, right into my lane (not even a signal, mind you). I decide to show my disapproval for his driving by flashing my brights (I don't think honking is appropriate these days). Well, I flashed my brights, and he didn't like that, so he flashed his brights back at me...

The only problem is, his brights were red and blue. He was a cop in an unmarked vehicle.

After that, he drifted over one more lane (again, without signaling). I didn't appreciate being intimidated by the red and blue (and maybe it was just my late-night stubbornness), so I slowly passed him, making sure it wasn't fast enough to get pulled over, and as I passed him, I stared him down. He stared me down too. In hindsight, that was probably one of the dumbest things I've done in a while.

But I had to stand up for... something. Anyways, it was dumb in hindsight, and I probably wouldn't do it again, but for some reason (maybe only the lack of consequences), I don't regret it.

You Know You're In College When...

You know you're in college when you sell your blood to pay for your Valentine's Day date...

That being said, I'm in college.

Speaking of college, I graduate in 14 months... that's a scary thought. In 14 months, I face a major crossroad in life. Fortunately, there are some doors opening up for me. Keegan (my former youth pastor and future internship supervisor) outlined his vision for my internship next year which leaves the door open for a full time staff position almost immediately after I graduate. Of course there's no guarantee with something visionary like that, but it offers some hope that after I graduate, my cardboard-box house will have two bedrooms instead of one.

There's also a ministry in Chicago that's been on my heart for about 2 1/2 years now. The ministry is called Emmaus, and they are a street ministry that exists to reach out the male prostitutes of Chicago who are ostracized even by the mainstream homeless community. They offer one-year full-time internships which provide room and board while living in an intentional Christ-centered community with the other interns. I can't think of a ministry that has been laying on my heart as much as this one while being as radically removed from my comfort zone as possible.

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as You choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Pirating the Bible

The nice thing about have such a small (if not entirely nonexistent) reader base is that I can get a little idealistic instead of worrying about who's reading.

The main thing that's been on my mind for a past few days is copyright law, especially in Christian circles (mainly, should it exist at all?) See, intellectual property is, in all respects, the "oil" of the 21st century... the more you stake your claim in now, the more money (and consequently, power) you stand to gain in the future.

I should probably preface this before I continue, so the two people who read this don't think I've lost my mind, by saying that I've just been wrestling with this, and don't necessarily hold every reflection that I type as a personal conviction and belief.

So, onto my youthful idealism... St. Augustine said in his Confessions that the truth belongs to no man, but to God. I've been wondering recently, in light of such a statement, what implications that would have for Christian copyright holders. If all theologians are striving for the same Truth, and that truth belongs to God and God alone, should theologians be concerned with preventing others from plagiarizing "their" work? Should certain translations of the Bible really be copyrighted (i.e. Zondervan and the NIV)? Maybe the elimination of such copyright laws would weed out the authors and publishers who write for the sole purpose of making money.

The same goes for worship songs... at what point is the music artist more important than the God who the song was supposedly written for?

If I wanted to be painfully idealistic, I would extend such a proposal to secular copyright holders... But I think it's a bit hard for the Church to change the world when, in many ways, we're not so different (meaning, we've got ideals for the world to transform into, but very few tangible differences to offer)... and staking our claim in our intellectual property is one way the Church isn't too different from the rest of the world.

I had a few other unrelated thoughts, but I'm just going to save them for a later post.

Learning the Old

I think I'm beginning to develop an appreciation for the King James Version of the bible. I've got friends who are quick to point out the numerous errors of the KJV that arose from the translation process and what modern scholars know about linguistics and whatnot... but my interest in the version hasn't developed from it's accuracy (if that were the case, nobody should read anything but the NASB).

I think I've come to appreciate the KJV for its sheer literary beauty. Different translations serve different functions for me... the NASB is accurate for a direct Greek-English translation, the Message is great for casual reading and being able to imagine the setting, and the KJV restores the beauty to God's Word that I think it deserves. Even H.L. Mencken, an early 20th century atheist literary critic had this to say about the KJV:

"It is the most beautiful of all the translations of the Bible; indeed, it is probably the most beautiful piece of writing in all the literature of the world."

I don't really have much else to say about my newfound fondness of the King James Version. Instead, I would just encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13, sometimes referred to as the "Love Chapter"...

1Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Where is it, God?

I would encourage anyone reading this to read Psalm 89 in its entirety. The author, Ethan the Ezrahite, starts off with these words of adoration and worship to God:

1 I will sing of the Lord’s unfailing love forever!
Young and old will hear of your faithfulness.
2 Your unfailing love will last forever.
Your faithfulness is as enduring as the heavens.

Pretty compelling words. It almost seems as though Ethan wrote this at a spiritual highpoint when everything must have been right in his world. For 52 verses, the psalmist praises God for His faithfulness and steadfast love. But as you skip ahead down to verse 49, you see Ethan cry out to God.

49 Lord, where is your unfailing love?
You promised it to David with a faithful pledge.

After all his praise, after all that, the psalmist goes on to say "I need it again God, where is it?" His grace is unfailing and steadfast, but we still need it again and again. He's promised it to us, and His record is spotless... but we still cry out for it every now and then because we need a taste of God's love just one more time. "I need it again God... I need You to be faithful one more time."